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I get inspired to write at odd places and times.  For some reason, good things always seem to occur to me while I am driving, and I have to make a mad search of the car for paper and pen, all while attempting to keep the car between the lines.  And on the road.  And keep from initiating a game of bumper cars in which no one else is a willing participant.  I keep a sticky pad and pen or pencil in the console just for this sort of occasion.

Recently I had an idea for a filthy haiku of my own, and was driving down Hillsboro Pike when the idea struck.  Stopped at a known to be lengthy light, I quickly scribbled down my ideas.  The man in the car next to me was only mildly curious and only stared for a few seconds.  The light changed, and I drove with the legal-sized notepad in my lap, pen still in hand.  The next light was even better:  there was a jeep behind me, and due to the fact that I drive a Mustang, which is lower to the ground, and the jeep being higher up, his headlights were perfectly focused on my legal pad, as I madly dashed out more notes.  I wonder if he could see what I was writing?

Anyhoo, here’s my only slightly filthy but hopefully funny haiku.  Poems are not my forte, so forgive me if it’s a bit rough.

OCD Sex

one two three four five

Five times I loved you, my dear

Now, I am hungry

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I know I recently said I wish I could stop wishing for things, but the truth is I will continue to wish for things.  All kinds of things.  Right now, for instance, I wish I had someone who would write me filthy haiku.  If any of you out there are adept in that sort of thing– send them on.  I am in need of  some bawdy, humorous literature.

So.  Just walked to Walgreens to purchase the largest bag of chocolates they sell, completely undoing the walk to and from.  Oh well; chocolate is much needed.  But walking helps me think.  I had to process the conversation I just had with the ex regarding why he moved out after just 3 months of living with me.  yeah, my self esteem took a huge blow on that one.  Anyhoo, one of the things he has said to me, on more than one occasion is this:

“You can do better than me.”

Now, what exactly does this mean?  His self esteem isn’t that low that he is really thinking he’s a horrible person.  He does admit that some of his actions during our break up (i.e., breaking up with me via text message– cringe!) were pretty crap.  However, I don’t think his opinion of himself is so low, or his opinion of me so high that this statement could actually have any merit or truth.  It’s a code; this is what I’ve discovered.

What I really think he means is this:   “Someone else may want you, but I sure as hell don’t!”

Or what about this oldie-but-goodie:

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

This translates to:  “It’s bloody fucking YOU!”

I could go on.  I know all you guys & girls out there have either heard or given these lines to someone at some point in your life.  I would sooo much have preferred something better, something more meaningful, something that didn’t feel so false.  Hell, I’d even take a badly written haiku over any of that old trite break-up crap.

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