I know it’s probably non-eco-friendly of me to say this, but I do so love a good road trip.  There are some areas of America that you can only really appreciate by driving through them.  The Smokey Mountains, for instance.  It’s absolutely thrilling, breathtaking, to drive through the mountains of East Tennessee, into North Carolina.  If you’ve not done this, you should.  Especially in spring or summer, when the mountains boast about a thousand different shades of green.  Just beautiful.

So, I took this trip because I needed a vacation.  My boss practically forced me to go– I was having second doubts about going but he persuaded me to get out of town.  And actually, driving gives me time to think, time to be completely alone with my thoughts.  Time to reason things out & get perspective.  Except this time, well this time it didn’t seem to work.
Not that I thought I would go on this trip and come back ok, over the recent break up, and with all my problems in life solved.  But I did think I would come to some kind of conclusions about how I feel about things, and at least have a plan.  Instead of feeling relieved and less burdened, I feel things even more keenly than before.

I stood on the beach, and looked out into the ocean, and what I thought was this:  the person I have loved the most in the world is right across that ocean.  This vacation was supposed to be in London, I should have been traveling to see him.  An ocean isn’t much to me anymore– it’s not an obstacle.  We conquered the ocean; we conquered immigration, too.  We overcame what we thought would be impossible:  we conquered time, space, distance.  The obstacles we ran into were unexpected, tragic.  I am a cynic when it comes to love but when I met this man, I felt love for him that I had always believed to be just out of my reach.  I thought– I believed– that this love would overcome anything.  It was that strong, at least for me.

So.  Running away from my sadness didn’t work.

I did manage to get just one speeding ticket (I expected more, honestly, I am a speed demon on the interstate) and I did get to see the mountains and the beach.  I am a little disturbed by the trend of crosses on the roadside, I saw literally thousands of them and was irked each time.  More on that later, perhaps.

The question that I have not been able to answer is this:  What is my life to be like now?  What does the future hold?  What am I to do with my life, now?

You’d think after going on holiday, I’d be a little less serious and not so introspective.  Clearly I’m not doing something right.

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